


How Gently We Fall

by akisazame



Category: Persona 4
Genre: F/M, Future Fic, Non-Terminal Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-18
Updated: 2009-01-18
Packaged: 2018-02-24 13:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2582303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akisazame/pseuds/akisazame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The phone call hadn't been for the reasons Naoto had expected at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Gently We Fall

The phone call hadn't been for the reasons Naoto had expected at all.

Ever since she and Kanji had finally, after an eternity of false starts and awkward kisses, declared themselves to be dating during their third year of high school, she and Kanji's mother had become surprisingly close. Naoto would ride her bicycle over to Tatsumi Textiles to study with Kanji, and Mrs. Tatsumi would greet the young girl with a kind smile and a firm insistence on eating some cookies, brownies, or whatever else she might have recently baked. Kanji, for his part, was relieved that the two of them got along, and actually encouraged Naoto to go and sit in the kitchen with his ma, chatting over tea about various things. Naturally, the conversation usually centered on Kanji, and it was in this way that Naoto ended up learning far more about her boyfriend then he would ever divulge himself. She saw all the embarrassing pictures of course; baby Kanji getting a bath in the sink, toddler Kanji dressed up in his mother's clothes, grade-school Kanji in the corner of the sitting room playing with a stuffed doll. But there were other things, too. Kanji's mother simply couldn't stop praising her son for his kindness and good deeds, "especially since he started spending time with you," she added with a wink, causing Naoto to blush and look away. She was especially proud of the sewing classes he had started holding at the shop, now going into their fourth season, which had boosted Kanji's confidence to levels his mother hadn't seen in years.

It had been that confidence, Naoto noted, that likely caused Kanji to ask her to meet him on the roof of the school on that June day after class. The sun was beating down so hard that Naoto had taken off her hat as she'd come through the door that led to the roof, squinting into the sunlight. Kanji had been standing there, hands behind his back, looking very serious and solumn, a look that Naoto couldn't recall having seen on his face before. "Don't say anythin' until I'm done, okay?" he'd started off, and she had nodded as they sat next to each other on one of the large pipes that covered the rooftop. "It's just, I'm tired of what we've been doing, y'know? Like, it's not that I don't like it, but..." He trailed off, looking to the side for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. "But this ain't what I really want to do, and I can't keep stoppin' myself or I'm gonna explode."

Then he'd reached out and run his fingers through Naoto's short hair, pulling her closer to him and gently touching his lips to hers. It was completely different from the other times they'd kissed, hurried and frantic and utterly confused; this time, she felt something in her heart grow very warm all of a sudden, radiating out into her arms, which reached up to wrap themselves around Kanji's neck quite of their own accord.

It was over too soon, Kanji pulling away to look deeply into Naoto's blue-grey eyes. For the first time, she didn't feel the urge to blush and look away. "May I speak now?" she said softly.

"No, I still ain't done," Kanji answered. She felt the muscles in his neck move as he swallowed hard, bracing himself for whatever else he was about to say. "I- god, it sounds so stupid to say it after all this time, but I really like you, Naoto. Like, I-want-to-be-your-boyfriend-and-take-you-out-on-dates-and-kiss-you-and-stuff like you. And I mean..." His eyes left hers for only an instant, the briefest moment of self-doubt. "I mean, if you don't wanna, it's okay, but..."

She interrupted him by kissing him again.

Naturally, things couldn't stay so idealistic forever. The following spring, she and Kanji and Rise had graduated from Yasogami High School. Naoto had hestitated to apply for colleges, but Kanji had insisted. "You're too damn smart to not go to college," he'd said, a look of admiration in his eyes. "Unless you think you know everything they got to teach you already." She'd tried to coax him into applying with her, but he'd turned her down; she knew as well as he did that they'd never get into the same colleges, not with the massive gap between their grades. Kanji, for his part, had decided to stay in Inaba and help his mother with the textile shop. "Ma ain't getting any younger, y'know?" The pained look in his eyes still haunted Naoto; since his father had died, Kanji's mother was all he had. Family-wise, anyway.

The distance was hard for them, of course. It was hard for any young couple, especially ones that were hopelessly in love. But Naoto had always had a businesslike demeanor, and she eventually worked out how to file away her loneliness so that she could function normally in everyday life. She and Kanji sent each other messages constantly on their cell phones, nearly to the point of distraction during Naoto's classes, and they would usually talk on the phone together every night, unless something pressing came up, like Naoto's exams or a sudden rush of business at the Tatsumis' store.

So when Naoto had gotten a call from Tatsumi Textiles on her cell phone as she was walking to class one autumn afternoon, she'd automatically assumed it would be Kanji. He'd skipped their phone call the previous day, simply not picking up when Naoto called. Her feelings weren't hurt by it, of course; she'd certainly ignored Kanji's calls before when she was busy studying, though he usually called back six or seven times before giving up. She decided he must feel guilty about it, and was calling her back now. The fact that the call was coming from the shop's number and not Kanji's cell phone should have rung alarm bells in the young detective's head, but she didn't think anything of it. "Hello?"

"Hello, Naoto-san? Have I got the right number?"

Despite herself, Naoto's heart sank when she heard Mrs. Tatsumi's voice on the other end. It wasn't that she was unhappy to get a call from Kanji's mother, but it wasn't who she had expected. "Yes, that's right, this is Naoto."

Even through the static of the cellular phone line, Naoto could hear the strain in the older woman's voice. "I'm sorry, but is there any way you could come back to Inaba as soon as possible?"

Now Naoto's heart was in her throat, making it difficult to breathe or speak. "D- did something happen?" She felt like she needed to clear her throat or cough, but she had the feeling that her heart would come flying out of her mouth if she did. A ridiculous notion, of course.

"It's hard to explain, dear," Mrs. Tatsumi said, her voice cracking, "but there's been an accident. If you could please come out as soon as you can, I would appreciate it."

Naoto opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Ultimately it didn't matter, because the line went dead. Clutching her phone so tightly that it made indentations in her hand, Naoto raced for the bicycle stand so she could ride to the train station.

Never before had the train ride to Inaba seemed so long. It wasn't often that Naoto felt truly confused, but her head was a messed up jumble as she sat on the train, staring down at her phone, starting to type message after message to Kanji but deleting each one. She had no idea what had happened; would he even get a message if she sent one? Halfway through the trip, desperate, she'd tried calling his cell phone, but was greeted with the friendly voice that told her the number she had dialed was not available. Exasperatedly throwing the phone into her bag, she got out the detective novel she'd been reading between classes, but found she couldn't focus on the words.

She was winded when she skidded her bicycle to a stop in front of Inaba Municipal Hospital. She didn't often ride for speed, preferring instead to take in the sights or think while she was traveling from place to place, but today was different. Forgetting her bicycle lock -- as if her bike would get stolen in sleepy Inaba -- she ran at full speed into the building, nearly colliding with the front desk. The receptionist raised a single eyebrow at her, but Naoto didn't even notice. "Is there a Tatsumi-san here?" she choked out between ragged breaths.

She hoped, prayed, that the receptionist would say no, she was mistaken, there wasn't anyone by that name in the hospital, but instead the young woman checked the charts and nodded. "Are you family or a friend?"

"My name is Naoto Shirogane," she managed to say, swallowing hard in an attempt to force her heart back into her chest where it belonged.

The receptionist nodded again. "Ah, yes, Mrs. Tatsumi noted that you would be coming, although she said it would likely be in the next few days. Room 203."

Without so much as a thank you, Naoto turned and starting walking as quickly as she could to room 203. She wanted desperately to run, but she'd already embarrassed herself enough by coming into the hospital as if it were the last 50 meters of the 500 meter dash. No matter how desperate she was, she had to try and control herself in public places, where decorum was key. She hated herself for falling apart as much as she had already.

She'd spent the entire train ride preparing herself for the worst, but she still wasn't sure what to expect when she carefully opened the door to the hospital room. Kanji's mother was there, sitting in a chair beside the bed, and she gave Naoto a surprised but grateful look as she entered, but the younger girl didn't even register the woman's presence. She was like a horse with blinders, only able to see the figure in the hospital bed.

He was sitting up, which was certainly something, but his face was pale, as though he had expended a lot of energy. His smile when he saw her was weaker, too. All pretentions gone as soon as she stepped through the door to the hospital room, Naoto raced to the bed and grabbed Kanji's hand, squeezing it between both of her own.

"Geez, Naoto, you don't gotta give me a broken hand, too," Kanji said, his voice sounding tired.

And then there were tears streaming down Naoto's face, the likes of which she hadn't cried in a long time. She was briefly reminded of the Secret Laboratory, the way her Shadow self had cried, and she knew now without a doubt that it really had been another part of herself standing before her that day. _Why? Why're you leaving me here!? Why am I always left alone!?_ "What happened, Kanji?" she asked, her voice somehow still working despite her tears.

He looked away then, and she hated it, hated every second his eyes weren't meeting hers.

"You remember how I told you about Kanji's father, Naoto-san?" Mrs. Tatsumi began, and Naoto suddenly became painfully aware of the third person in the room. She turned halfway so she could just see the older woman out of the corner of her eye, but couldn't make herself turn around all the way, as if Kanji would suddenly disappear if she stopped looking at him. "How he had a weak heart, and collapsed one day..."

"Ma, I didn't collapse," Kanji interrupted, the faintest blush coloring his cheeks. Naoto's head snapped back to look at him full on, but he still wouldn't meet her gaze. "Can't you just give me and Naoto some time alone?"

"Of course," she replied, getting up and leaving the room, closing the door softly behind her.

Kanji waited until his mother was gone, then reached out with the hand Naoto wasn't currently crushing to softly pat her hair. "C'mon, Naoto, don't cry. You're gonna make me cry, too."

"I can't help it." She removed one of her hands from Kanji's to wipe her cheeks on her sleeve, but the old tears were just replaced with new ones.

He shifted his hand to rub his thumb over her tear-stained cheek. "I'm gonna be fine. Just got a weak heart like my old man, I guess."

The words weren't reassuring whatsoever. "What really happened, Kanji? Tell me. Be honest. I'll know if you're lying."

He laughed, but the sound wasn't particularly happy. "Yeah, I know you will. You always do."

"Because you won't look at me when you do," she said pointedly, staring at him hard through her tears.

Knowing that he'd lost, Kanji turned to lock his blue eyes on hers. "Okay, so it was kinda sorta like collapsing. It happened yesterday afternoon. Like I just felt real faint all of a sudden and then I don't remember what happened after that. When I woke up, I was here, and my ma was all upset and I didn't really know what was going on." He frowned suddenly. "I got pretty mad at Ma when she told me she'd called you. It ain't that big a deal, so I dunno why she thought it'd be a good idea to make you worry. Looks like I was right."

"Don't be stupid," Naoto blurted out, putting her other hand back on Kanji's and squeezing it again. "Do you really think I would have been satisfied if you'd chosen to keep this from me? Did you think you could just keep it a secret forever?"

Kanji laughed again, but this time it sounded more normal, more like it should. "'Course, you're right. Can't keep anything from the Detective Prince." Naoto blushed slightly at her old nickname; he was the only one who called her that anymore.

The two of them sat in silence for several minutes, just absorbing the feeling of being near each other again. It had been weeks since the last time they'd been together, when Kanji had taken the train into the city to take Naoto out for dinner the Sunday before her exams started. She'd been all nerves, unable to enjoy herself; the only reason she hadn't brought her notes to study at dinner was because Kanji hadn't let her. She regretted it now; if she'd somehow known the future, then she would have savored every moment.

Her voice came unbidden, breaking the silence. It didn't sound like her own voice; in some ways, it wasn't. "You can't leave me, Kanji."

"I ain't gonna leave you, Naoto," he answered, running his fingers through her hair.

She looked at him with desperate eyes. "But you look like you're about to--"

"Die?" The way he said the word made Naoto uncomfortable; it was too certain, too real. "Okay, maybe I do have a bad heart like my old man. But Kanji Tatsumi doesn't give up that easy." He smiled, the strong, confident smile that Naoto usually found reassuring, and she smiled back, blinking the last of the tears from her eyes. She wanted more than anything to believe his words, but now her heart was filled with doubt. A detective always looks at the facts, and they weren't especially stacked in her favor at the moment. All those nagging fears that she thought she'd accepted on that September day in the Secret Laboratory had come rushing back full force.

"You'd better not," she whispered, lifting his hand to kiss his fingers. _Because I couldn't go on without you._ She left those words unsaid, but somehow she knew that he understood.


End file.
